


I need a date

by BayarealivingUSA



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drunk Aziraphale (Good Omens), Escort Service, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flirting, Kissing, M/M, Mild Smut, Other, Plot, Romance, Self-Indulgent, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:40:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BayarealivingUSA/pseuds/BayarealivingUSA
Summary: Aziraphale is invited to a wedding. Not wanting to attend alone, he finds a date in an ad.I'm going for that dumb  cliché where two people pose in a relationship and then end up liking each other and date for reals!
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel (Good Omens) & Other(s), Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda a self-indulgent fic 
> 
> A fun lil experiment for anyone to enjoy

_ You are invited! _

_ Join us in celebration as we host a wedding ceremony! _

_ Open bar and your choice of fish or steak so RSVP! _

Aziraphale squinted behind his glasses as he read the rest of the invitation to Shadwell's and Madam Tracy's  _ wedding _ invitation. He found a separate card with a checklist of options:

  * I'll be attending
  * I won't be attending
  * Plus one
  * Plus ___ guests
  * Fish
  * Steak
  * Wine
  * Hard alcohol
  * Wine _and_ hard alcohol
  * Etc...



Aziraphale checked off  _ wine and hard alcohol _ as soon as he finished reading it. 'Oh lord' he thought as his cheeks heated. He felt like a foolish alcoholic for not hesitating on the last option. He looked at the first option. Yup! He was going! He loved weddings, especially when it came to all the love energy vibing in the air. Making him feel all tingly inside. Also he and Madam Tracy were friends long before she met Mr. Shadwell.

He glanced at the  _ plus one _ option and checked off the  _ fish _ option instead. He pictured himself at the dining table eating and he could even hear Gabriel, who usually sits at his table  _ purposely _ , asking for the umpteenth time, 

"Where's your date?"

Or

"No boyfriend yet?"

Aziraphale scoffed as he imagined Gabriel's stupidly handsome, smug face as the man wraps an arm around his own date sitting at the table. Gabriel buys his dates, the very pretty model type. The audacity that Gabriel had in always trying to point out that Aziraphale was single.

"Ha! Not this time ole chap!" Exclaimed Aziraphale as he checked off  _ plus one _ .

How funny would it be to show up at the wedding with a boyfriend and see the annoyed, or defeated, look on Gabriel's face? Hilarious! 

He finished putting together his return letter before miracling it into Madam Tracy's mailbox. Once that was done, he brought his attention back to the rest of his mail. There was mostly junk mail, but the one magazine subscription he owned looked interesting. He opened it up and reached his finger tips out for the wine bottle on the corner of his desk. He lifted the bottle up to discover it was empty.

"When did that happened?" Asked Aziraphale followed by a hiccup. He stood up and his vision distorted for a moment. He cleared his throat before walking on wobbly legs towards his wine cabinet. As he made his way he said out loud with a slur, "this time I'm the one with the-with the  _ hot _ date.  _ Gabriel you horse's butt _ ! We'll see whoooo smirking then!"

After fetching the pinot noir only a couple years old with a thick aroma, he sat down on his sofa. He sank into the cushions and let out a groan as his tense muscles relaxed. He breathed for a couple moments before opening his eyes, not haven't realized he had closed them, and he opened his second bottle for the evening.

That night Aziraphale slept on his sofa all the way pass noon.

**...**

**Ring ring ring ring !!**

Aziraphale jolted out of his sleep. His blue eyes wildly searching his home. His old telephone rang loudly on a desk across from him. He heaved a sigh as he pushed himself off the sofa. A sense of being home washed over him as he became aware that he was safe at the bookshop. He answered the call and realized his mistake. 

"Oh HONEY! I just saw your RSVP and let me tell you how EXCITED I am! You're bringing a DATE! A fine strapping man I hope?" Madam Tracy's gleeful cheer ignited the painful hangover across Aziraphale's forehead.

"Oh good morning, my dear," the angel groaned as he massaged the bridge of his nose, "terribly sorry for asking, but could you speak softly, dear, I've got a horrible migraine?"

"Ah, yes of course," she blushed, "how's this?"

"Perfect, thank you. Now why are you so excited?"

"Your RSVP, I've just gotten to it and I've seen you've checked off PLUS ONE!  _ Oop _ !  _ Sorry, dear _ ," she hushed for being excited.

"It's fine, really. I checked off what?"

Aziraphale squinted his eyes into the distance as he searched for any meaning to their conversation.

"Your plus one, of course," she said with mirth, "I can't wait to meet him."

"Yes," he nervously chuckled as the memories of last night resurfaced, "he's quite the um,  _ man," _ he winced, "I can't wait for you to meet him. Listen! I must go and sign for an-an-um-important package? Ah, yes! Very important! I'll call you back, goodbye now!"

"Oh! Well alright then-"

Aziraphale hung up the phone feeling like complete shit. 'What have I done?" He asked himself. Had he really been drinking that much last night? 'A date' he thought. He lied to his best girl friend as he panicked to save face over a stupid drunken mistake. One he could easily fix with a simple call. He spoke to no one in particular, 

"I'll just call her back and explain that I will be.. Attending the party alone. All by myself. There is no date… hello, dear, I'm calling to let you know that I have no man and it will just be me. I don't have company, it will just be me. Myself.. And I-oh no… I sound pathetic,"

"Ow," he winced as he head continued to throb. 

With a sigh, Aziraphale mircled the pain away, only now remembering his amazing abilities. It was shame those amazing abilities couldn't snag him prince charming! Aziraphale rolled his shoulders as he felt his mind clear. He decided to skip opening the book shop and instead he went about finding a date to the wedding.

**...**

_ Anthony J Crowley at your service. _

Aziraphale read the ad in the newspaper. He was old fashioned that way that he likes to hold a huge piece of paper with ink printed news.

He smiled feeling very lucky to see an ad with a local area phone number. He sat in a booth at a cafe, there he made the call on an old flip phone burner he rarely used.

"Ah, yes, hello?"

Aziraphale could hear Mr. Anthony J Crowley on the phone.

"Oh, you'd prefer  _ Crowley _ ? Very well then, Crowley, I found your ad in the paper. Yes! Not many people read the paper,"

He listened to Crowley talk, liking the way his voice carried confidently over the phone.

"I liked to hire you, dear boy. I'm at the 'Cocoa Café' in SoHo,"

He grinned,

"That's right, the one by the old bookshop… I'll wait for you here and we'll talk arrangements. Thank you for your time,"

He hung up and tucked the flip phone away. Aziraphale looked at his cup of hot chocolate. His face started heating up. He was really going through with this strange idea. He wondered if this was the right thing to do? There would be no shame in telling Madam Tracy the truth.

After a few minutes of waiting, he nearly jumped out of his skin as a man just sat abruptly in his booth without any warning or greeting. He had red hair down to his shoulders with part of it pulled back into a bun. He wore a black suit and dark shades. Aziraphale couldn't help but find the man's face to his liking.

"May I help you, dear boy?" 

"Actually, I'm here to help the both of us. We spoke on the phone,"

"Of course, Crowley was it?"

"Aye,"

"A.Z. Fell, please address me as Aziraphale," the angel held out his hand and Crowley shook it, "how did you know to sit down here and not anywhere else?"

Crowley pulled his hand away after a suspicious caress over Aziraphale's knuckles. He used that same hand to pick up the newspaper.

"Everyone here is on their cell phones and you're the only one with the paper. Plus, you're sitting alone,"

"Very good, dear boy," Aziraphale smiled fondly enough that Crowley chose remember it, "Now we can get to business. But first may I offer you a drink?"

"Ah~ Yes, I'd like a coffee," Crowley smiled back.

Aziraphale got Crowley his coffee and the two worked out a plan.

"So this Gabriel sounds like a complete wanker," said Crowley.

"He is, but we're like  _ brothers _ in a way. We both socialize in the same circles, and we've known each other for centuries,"

"Centuries?"

"That's what it feels like,"

"Uh huh, roight, so I'm great at being intimate and flashy. The world is my stage! Ya know? I can certainly deliver a performance that will leave everyone stunned,"

"Oh my, that's very generous, but I'd like to keep this as a more subtle approach,"

"Yeah, sure, whatever you want. We'll just call it 'plan B' and come back to it later,"

They both nodded in agreement. They then discussed payment and boundaries. It was all fair by the end, except Crowley was displeased about the boundaries.

"So, if I can't kiss you, how will anyone be convinced we're together?"

"We'll hold hands," Aziraphale said and that ended the conversation.

Crowley wanted to do more than that, but he acquiesced. Aziraphale's hands were soft and manicured, something about them looked pleasing. And felt oh so so soft!

They parted ways and agreed to meet again next week.

**...**

They met at an old bandstand. There they went over the plan. Crowley suggested they practice looking like a couple. Aziraphale threw in that they should also practice dancing together.

"First things first," Crowley said as he wiggled his fingers. 

They held hands. Crowley grinned as he laced their fingers together. Aziraphale tried not to let it show how much he liked it. The angel noted how his fingers were pushed apart by Crowley's fingers. They fully locked their hands together.

Aziraphale blushed at how delighted he felt being close to someone. Crowley's hand felt hot and a sense of safety over came Aziraphale as they held hands. They walked around in circles, getting a feel of one another.

Aziraphale wanted to try dancing, so they positioned themselves. Crowley had his arms around Aziraphale's neck and shoulders. While Aziraphale placed his hands on Crowley's lower back.

They swayed slowly in circles. They kept a bit of distance between their bodies as they moved. Crowley's eyes roamed over Aziraphale's face from behind his shades. He took in the lovely sight of his new employer.

Those blond-ish curls, with complimentary blonde lashes. The pink rosy cheeks and lips on fair skin. Those strange blue, maybe green, eyes that were always so open and curious.

Aziraphale ended their dance when he felt Crowley staring intensely at him. He pulled away and straightened his bow tie as a distraction from the heat on his face.

"I think that was a successful practice run. That should do, right?"

"I'm afraid not. If you want people believing we're there  _ together _ then we'll need to work on more than just a bit of hand holding and dancing,"

Crowley leaned close to Aziraphale who looked away from Crowley's face.

"We'll need to be able to be close to one another. I'll need to know more things about you, Aziraphale," Crowley said in a smooth voice, "I find myself curious about you. I wonder how it is that you're still single?"

That got Aziraphale to look at Crowley again. He didn't know what to say. He fiddled with his pinky ring.

"I'm single by choice, I suppose," Aziraphale chuckled, "I own and run a bookshop which keeps me busy. I usually spend my days reading,"

"I'm not big on reading," Crowley comments.

"Oh," Aziraphale still smiled but his eyes frowned, "not even audio tapes?"

"What kind of books would you recommend? For someone like me?" Crowley asked.

"Dr. Seuss is a great start. Lots of pictures to look at," Aziraphale giggled and Crowley chuckled with him, "actually,  the Great Gatsby , is a fun book to read. I very much enjoy Scotts Fitzgerald's humor,"

"I might like books more, If it was  _ your _ voice reading a book ta me,"

He felt his heart quicken in his chest at the thought of Crowley watching him intently from behind his shades as he read out loud to him. He noticed Crowley smiling back at him. His lips were a red tint and pulled wide enough for a sharp fang to poke out.

"I'm a plant hobbyist. You already know what I do for work," Crowley gestured to himself, "besides being a gentleman of a wide range of service. I care for some of the most luxurious of house plants,"

"Really?" Asked Aziraphale in genuine wonder.

"Yes! I've even won awards for them at garden shows. Would you like to see them?"

"Very much! It'll be a pleasure,"

Crowley held out his arm for Aziraphale who looped his own arm through. The two chatted about plants as they walked arm in arm towards Crowley's flat.

**…**

Crowley open a bottle of white wine. He pours two wine glasses before he hands one to Aziraphale making sure they're fingers touch.

Crowley likes how soft Aziraphale's hand feels against his skin. He also likes the manicure look of them. Aziraphale even has a special nail-lady he specifically calls for whenever he makes appointments. 

Crowley watches those pink lips say 'thank you' before wrapping around the rim of the glass. Aziraphale closed his eyes as his senses picked up the flavors in his drink. He felt tingly all over, his stomach even fluttered.

"This is very good," praised Aziraphale.

"I knew a wine maker in Italy several years back. He gifted me with this wine every birthday," Crowley says before sipping his wine.

Aziraphale felt a twinge of jealousy over the idea of what kind of relationship Crowley and the 'wine maker' probably had together. He drank some more and found himself loosening up. The tingle moved between his legs and he tried to ignore the throbbing. What he couldn't ignore was Crowley standing there so close to him.

Crowley began telling a story about one of his house plants he refers to as 'Janthony'. Aziraphale looked at the plant, trying to look interested, but his mind was going elsewhere. 

He glanced over to his right at Crowley before quickly returning his gaze back to Janthony.

Crowley's dark clothing only made his slender body look even more slimming. His red hair a pop of bright color, like a cherry on top of a chocolate cupcake. Aziraphale had the urge to run his fingers through that lush red hair. He'd even like to scratch at his scalp for a reaction, and hopefully, a positive reaction.

Aziraphale finished his glass quicker than he expected. Next thing the angel knew, Crowley had placed his hand over his cupping his hand and the glass. He felt Crowley's body step close to his with barely a gap. Aziraphale stared at Janthony's leafs as he allowed Crowley to be near him. It was never too late to say no if he didn't like it. He shivered as Crowley's lips brushed the shell of his ear and once again that smooth, but with a hiss, voice spoke.

"Ssstill thirssty, Aziraphale?" 

Aziraphale bit his bottom lip as his brain caught up to his body. He decides to flirt back because it's been a few decades since he's had any  _ fun _ . The angel finally faces Crowley and tries to look him in the eyes. When he fails to see any irises, his gaze wanders down to Crowley's red lips.

"Actually… I'm starving for something  _ red _ and  _ wild _ ,"

"I'll be sure to get what you need,"

Crowley was sure Aziraphale was flirting back with him. It was pretty bad, but that only made him want him even more. With a winning smile Crowley sauntered to the refrigerator. He made a show of his hips in those tight pantsuits that hugged every curve of his thighs.

Aziraphale stared after him in awe. He felt his body grow weak from the sight of Crowley's bottom swinging side by side on those long legs he'd like wrapped around his head.

He looked away with a face like a tomato. His hand holding the empty wine glass shook. Aziraphale knew it was time he either embraced the opportunity to be in Crowley's sweet company or leave on 'important business'. A part of him was sure he should head home now before he threw himself like a horny school boy.

Then another thought popped into his head. What if Crowley is playing him for money? He is an easy target. All gullible and sweet loving. A lonely bookshop owner with lots of money, but no one to spend it on. Crowley could be seducing Aziraphale for more money. That is the sort of thing that happens to Gabriel.

Gabriel buys a woman's company, and then falls in love. She tries to take his money and he's left heartbroken. Then Aziraphale has to remind Gabriel that he's better than that hoe and how there are better people out there for him. After that Aziraphale is stuck paying for drinks at some local pub because Gabriel is in his feelings. The night or early morning leaves Aziraphale carrying a sloshed Gabriel into the archangel's apartment.

Aziraphale didn't want to end up heartbroken covered in vomit like Gabriel for being so naive towards a possible con artist. He would need to play this right. Keep it strictly business. He set his goals on simply making a show of having brought someone to a wedding for Gabriel to eat it. He would not get anymore involved with Crowley than he needs to be. 

Crowley reappeared naked with an opened bottle of champagne and a bowl of chocolate covered strawberries.

"Shall we take this to the bedroom now?" Crowley asked looking unashamed of his body.

Aziraphale nodded without thinking. His body moved on autopilot following Crowley into the bedroom.


	2. Making a bet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe is that friend you fight with only to go get froyo an hour later

Crowley's body was more than tempting. It was everything that Aziraphale fantasized about and more. Aziraphale joined Crowley on the bed after having removed his own clothes.

Crowley offered a strawberry. Aziraphale took a bite and moaned at the sweet combination of fruit and chocolate. Crowley finished the strawberry treat with a lick of his lips.

Aziraphale watched that pink tongue. He wanted to take a bite of the muscle and suck it. Crowley could feel the desire radiating off of Aziraphale and he preened under the attention. He ran his fingers through blonde curls before pulling the angel close for a kiss.

Aziraphale moaned into the kiss. He felt Crowley's tongue flick his lips, asking for entrance. He smiled and opened his mouth for Crowley to invade.

"Hmm," moaned Aziraphale.

He sucked on Crowley's tongue like he wanted. Crowley moaned into the kiss. He pushed Aziraphale down onto the mattress, he straddled creamy thighs, and gave an experimental thrust.

"Crowley," gasped Aziraphale.

"How far will you go with me tonight?" Crowley asked against Aziraphale's lips.

"Take me all the way, please," the angel begged.

Crowley kissed him again. Crowley massaged his lips against Aziraphale's lips, sucking on that bottom lip. He broke the kiss to suck on the angel's neck. He bit the skin with his fangs followed with a kiss. Then he'd suck on the salty sweet skin, blood following to leave a bruise.

Aziraphale wiggled his hips, his toes curled, and his hands grabbed hold of that glorious ass. Crowley was surprised by that and his head flung back fast enough to knock his shades off his nose. His blinked as his dick twitched, he liked Aziraphale's bold touch.

"Your eyes…" Aziraphale whispered.

Crowley looked at Aziraphale with golden eyes, the usual black slit for a pupil was dilated from arousal. Crowley corrected his shades before addressing the issue.

"I'm a demon," he said simply, "It's just what I am, but it has nothing to do with us,"

"What?"

"I'm not looking to steal your soul or anything,"

"I would think not!"

"Aziraphale," Crowley sighed, "If you want to stop because I scare you. That's fine, I understand," he moved off of Aziraphale.

"I'm not scared," Aziraphale sat up, "I'm.. I'm an angel. You heard me right, an angel," he said firmly.

"Do you ngh do you plan to smite me then?" Crowley asked softly.

"It's not what I want," Aziraphale replied just as soft.

"Then what do you want?" Crowley asked, tilting his head with curiosity, looking cute.

Aziraphale smiled. A demon could mean trouble for sure. He knows better than to associate with their kind, but something about Crowley was going against everything he was taught about demons. Or maybe he was so thirsty for the sexy demon in front of him that his effort was thinking for him.

"I'd like," he started as he moved close to Crowley, "for you to keep going," he caressed Crowley's jaw, "and don't stop until sunrise," he finished with a tender kiss to his cheek.

Crowley blushed, his heart hammered in his chest, and a pathetic whine left his throat. He pounced on Aziraphale who welcomed him with a loving embrace.

During their heated embrace. Aziraphale's phone rang loudly with a familiar tune. He groaned as he patted his thighs for his phone, but of course he threw his pants off to the floor.

"Crowley wait! One moment dear," Aziraphale had to peel off the demon, "I have to answer that call,"

Crowley continued to peck kisses on the angel's cheek. He leaned over the end of his bed, reaching for Aziraphale as he watches him answer the call. He grabbed hold of the angel's hand and yanked him back on the bed.

Aziraphale yelped. He righted himself on the mattress in an upright position. Crowley straddled him and he gripped his boney hip.

"Heh-hello?,"

Crowley bit Aziraphale's neck, he latched on the skin and sucked. He wiggled his hips getting pre-come over the angel's shirt. He breathed in Aziraphale's scent, it smelled of sunshine and fresh winter mixed with sweat. He rocked his hips trying to get the angel's effort to harden.

"Ah! I'm sorry," Aziraphale held back a moan, "what.. What is the matter, dear boy?"

Aziraphale didn't stop Crowley from holding him. Each caress from his hands felt smooth. Each kiss felt hot with a sting. He covered the receiver best he could as a high pitch whine left him. His erection throbbed painfully in his underwear.

"I can't understand you!"

All he could hear was broken words and sobbing on the other line. The angel has the instinct by now to guess what was going on. He sighed before switching their positions. Crowley looked beautiful. Flushing red across his face and chest looking warm and comforting. He could pick up on the musky smell of the demon's arousal and it stuck on his brain.

"Where are you, Gabriel?"

Aziraphale hung his head in defeat as he listened to Gabriel's drunken slur. He knew what this meant and what he had to do. Crowley breathed heavily underneath Aziraphale. He was so aroused by this strange angel. He wanted to grab that phone and break it to keep away the distraction. When he heard Aziraphale say 'Gabriel', he felt a sinking feeling.

"Don't leave," Crowley begged, he wrapped his legs around Aziraphale tightly, "let's have fun,"

"I'll be there soon," Aziraphale told Gabriel, to Crowley he said, "I am so sorry,"

Aziraphale hung up. He brushed his fingers through Crowley's hair. He smiled at Crowley's look of disappointment.

"You do realize what you're walking away from?" Crowley pouted. 

He was not happy with the turn of events. He pulled Aziraphale into a heated kiss. Aziraphale kissed back like he was thirsty. As they kissed, their hips rocked again.

The phone rang again. Aziraphale sighed. Crowley bit his lip  _ hard _ .

"Ow!"

"Just go already!"

One last kiss and they agreed to meet tomorrow.

**...**

It was always the same pub that Gabriel would go to drink his heart out. 

Aziraphale entered the establishment and greeted the bartender. They pointed to where Gabriel sat slouched over a table. He thanked them before joining Gabriel.

"Who was it this time?"

Aziraphale asked, looking at the bottle of bourbon and a couple of empty shot glasses. Aziraphale poured some alcohol into a shot glass and swallowed it.

"Tania,"

"Who's Tania? Wait, is she the woman from that strip club in downtown SoHo?"

"Yes. We had such a wonderful connection!"

"I'm very sorry to say this but," Aziraphale took another shot, "she was too immature for you. I think this is for the best,"

"She said she loved me,"

"So did Helga… Lenore… Anastasia, and Michelle,"

Gabriel let out a sob into his crossed arms. He wiped his tears on his sleeve. Aziraphale watched him stain his clothes with a sad face. As much as they fought and pushed each other around, Gabriel was always there when Aziraphale needed help.

"How about another round of shots?"

After a couple rounds of shots, the angels walked down the street towards Gabriel's apartment. Both holding onto the other as they swayed and stumbled with laughter.

Gabriel lived comfortably, everything was usually clean, thanks to maid. The comforts of home involved plush chairs, and television screens in every room.

They searched through the cabinets for junk food.

"I found the walkers!"

"Look here, Aziraphale," Gabriel held a bag of chips, "classic potato chips and… hot sauce!"

"You like that?"

"Try it,"

They sat on the couch eating and watching a movie about a group of short men traveling to castle full of gold.

"I bet Tania would give that Bilbo Baggins guy a lap dance for some gold,"

"You need to forget her,"

"Damn! I was planning on taking her with me to the wedding,"

Aziraphale grinned. Gabriel glared.

"What!? Let me guess," Gabriel bit a chip, "you're happy I'll be showing up alone,"

"Nooo~"

"Fuck you,"

Aziraphale laughed, mostly because he knew he had a date. He was still planning on rubbing it in Gabriel's smug face. There was a spark of an idea that entered his mind as he considered all the facts.

"Would you like to make a wager?"

Gabriel shook the last crumbs of chips into his mouth. He responded with a grunt as he chewed.

"Let's bet that whoever shows up to the wedding with a date wins. Loser does whatever the winner wants for a day,"

"You wanna bet that? Phfft! Please, I'd win for sure,"

"Its stupid then, forget it,"

"What?! No way! I like it! It just needs a touch of spice,"

"How?"

Aziraphale bit into a Walker's cookie(biscuit). Gabriel squinted at the t.v. screen, not really watching but thinking.

"Sex at the wedding! Get your partner to hand over their underwear as proof,"

Aziraphale choked on a piece of cookie. Gabriel quickly pounded his back until the food popped out of Aziraphale's air tube. Gabriel grinned as he rubbed the angel's back.

"Sounds fun huh? We have a deal?"

"You're a scoundrel," Aziraphale gasped out. He cleared his throat, "you have deal,"

Gabriel laughed. He finally forgot all about Tania.

**...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna drop dis shiz here ^.^;

After Aziraphale left, Crowley grabbed his erection. He whined missing the angel's soft body. He was left feeling rejected as the angel chose another person over him so quickly, Aziraphale was out the door before Crowley's erection could flag.

He missed those tender lips mashed against his igniting a fire he hasn't felt in centuries. He wanted to see those bright blue eyes, so innocent, to look upon him with a great fondness. Crowley wanted to be devoured like a slice of raspberry cream cake. 

He imagined those soft lips wrapped around the head of his cock, swollen and red from working every inch given to the sweet angel.

An annoying, erratic ringing of his doorbell sliced through Crowley's fantasies. He clenched his jaw and hopped out of bed, with a snap of his fingers Crowley was well dressed in fine black clothes. His erection had gone soft as he limped his way to the door, already guessing who his visitor could be.

Beelzebub looks peeved.

"Hello there,  _ red _ ," greets Beelzebub.

"Great lord Beelzebub! Great to see you-"

Beelzebub pushed their inside, throwing Crowley off, they entered the apartment like they lived there and then they relaxed in Crowley's favorite chair.

"You're due. Pay up. Now! Or be fazed with the pain of the likezz you've never felt before!"

They held their itchy palm out.

"Yeah, about that… you look amazing by the way! Did you change your hair? Or a new uh, hat??"

"WHERE IZZZ THE MONEY?!?!"

"Pounds! I've got pounds!"

"Then hand it to me! You can't zzkirt your way through another mizzed payment! Our lord Luzifer won't be having it thizz time! … he'z been in a bad mood,"

"I'm working on a plan that is sure to pay my dues, plus more if you'll give me more time. I have this new client,"

"Who?"

Crowley smiles.

"A book shop owner. And get this," Crowley sits on the table and his hands wave with excited energy,

"He's an angel!"

They narrowed their eyes in suspicion. Crowley felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. He feared Beezlebub, but he feared Lucifer more. He is fortunate to be dealing with the lesser of two evils.

"He's an easy target, and completely lonely. I had no real effort getting him in bed!"

"And how wazz he?"

Crowley paused as he processed the question. He was still upset about being dropped for a crying man's relationship problems.

"Uhhh he finished quickly… I was so incredible in bed that I may have scared him off! But not to worry, I will continue to seduce him," Crowley grinned confidently.

There was a slight twitch by Beezlebub's lips, probably a good sign, however their eyes were the same cold evil as always.

"Angel'z have accezz to powerful itemz, Crowley. Celestial weaponz hold greater value than human currenzy,"

"Celestial items can be used to bargain for anything in all three planes of existence. My angel could have something of great value,"

Beelzebub studied Crowley's strange energy. The demon stood from where they sat, their face still held that peeved look and Crowley knew deep down that his lord wasn't interested in excuses.

"Work him. Pay me, Crowley,"

Crowley nods energetically knowing he's been spared of any torture that evening and offers Beelzebub a drink.

**…**

Aziraphale was happy to be back home after having to basically babysit Gabriel. They weren't always this close in heaven, but after spending time together doing projects on earth, they had come to rely on each other. Especially, when the archangel discovered the pleasures of earth.

Like soaking in hot water. 

Aziraphale was ready for a hot, bubble bath with a glass of champagne. Scented candles burn a relaxing perfume into the steamy air. He rests his head back on a fluffy towel and thinks.

He made an easy bet he knew he could win.

What could he make Gabriel do? Maybe clean the dust in his shop by hand, which could take him days to finish. Or was that too simple? Something big was needed for a once in a lifetime opportunity. Something daring. Maybe even devious.

Aziraphale grinned mischievously behind the rim of his champagne glass. He giggled to himself in delight as he suddenly knew exactly what he would make Gabriel do.

**…**

The next night.

Gabriel stretched his arms over his head feeling his muscles pull tight. He's at the strip club looking for a date. His usual involvements included strippers, prostitutes, and gold diggers. As a rich bureaucrat, Gabriel knows he holds a sense of power that attracts these types of people to him. They make him feel almost like a knight in shining armor.

He sits at a strip club lounge, smiling at the women. He throws paper money to get their attention. He whispers seductive words in their ears as he shows off his wad of bills.

Someone across the lounge watches with a sour face, eyeing the way woman dance in Gabriel's lap. Jealousy bubbles up to their throat as the bureaucrat gets all the attention from the lovely dancers.

After a good hour of fun Gabriel leaves the club with a girl on his arm. They laugh in good spirits down the streets into a back alley where they are confronted by the jealous man wielding a knife.

Gabriel is forced to fight him off, and he does so poorly. His moves are sluggish in his drunken state of mind, and only manages a few swipes at the attackers face. The woman he was with screams and runs off.

"Wait baby!" Gabriel calls out to her.

While he was distracted by his get away date, the jealous man stabs Gabe in the side. Gabriel falls to his knees in pain. 

"Ya bloody wanker, I'll show you!" The stranger flashes his knife, dripping with blood.

Gabriel growls and holds his hand out to snap his fingers, planning on transporting the man into a mental institute. When his violet eyes catch the movement of a dark figure behind his assailant.

The new comer kicks the jealous man in the crotch hard enough that being stabbed didn't seem so bad. The man falls in complete pain, unable to move.

"Ya still living?" Asks the new stranger.

"Just a scratch, thanks for the help," Gabriel smiles with pain evident in his voice.

The stranger rolls their eyes and holds their hand out for Gabriel to take. Gabriel grips the small hand and is surprised by the strength behind it as he's pulled up on trembling legs. 

"I'm Gabriel Archangel,"

The jealous man growled and stood back up on shakey legs, ready to tackle the angel's savior. Gabriel shouted out a warning. The savior whirled a kick at the man's head, knocking him down.

"I'm Beelzebub," they reply.

Gabriel frowns at the name. He felt absolutely grateful to be rescued, but not from a well known demon. However, he decides to be civil and behave like they aren't natural enemies.

"Is there any way I can repay you for saving me?"

Beelzebub raised an eyebrow at the offer. They eyed Gabriel clothes and shoes. 'That watch has diamonds along the rim,' they thought.

"I'll think of something after we get you taken care of," they smiled sweetly.

**…**

Beelzebub brought Gabriel home after a trip to the ER. Their eyes took note of the apartment. Pictures of friends and colleges hung on the walls alongside ribbons and trophies.

"You an athlete or zzzomething?" 

"I used to do triathlons," Gabriel responded, "when I had the time to train for it."

Gabriel offered Beelzebub a drink.

"Here, it's brandy,"

Beelzebub takes the drink silently and stares.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Beelzebub replies.

They smile sweetly.

"Where'z the lav?"

"?.. Oh! Down to the left,"

"Roight, thankzzz"

Beelzebub locks the bathroom door. They pour the alcohol in the toilet before, they pull out their phone and they text Dogan.

_ Beez: I've found a new target. _

_ Dogan: excellent my liege! I will prepare your favorite device of torture! _

_ Beez: for now have it on stand by. _

_ Dogan: 👍 _

Beelzebub pursed their lips in a snotty pout. Money hasn't been coming in as fast as it should be. And money, for some reason Lucifer wants earned by mortal means of sex service, stealing, and even illegal trading. Beelzebub blames their demon subjects for not working the street corners as much as they should, like Crowley, their bottom bitch has been slacking lately. Beelzebub is a  _ pimp _ in this case, but only in the Soho district. Lucifer runs all of London as king pimp.

Beelzebub will face extremely painful consequences for any short payments. Not likely to happen yet though not with this rich bitch.

Speaking of, how stupid of an angel to give away their identity to a demon. Did he not fear them? They both have been cordial with one another, but any moment the other could instigate a battle. There was certainly a silent game of cat vs mouse going on that they and the angel were playing now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could Aziraphale be planning on making Gabriel do? I'll give ya a hint: heat and lots of it!
> 
> So yeah lucifer is king pimp and wants to hoe his demons around for human currency (miracle money is not allowed) to ensure there's sin in the world, and humans are paying out of their own pockets for it.

**Author's Note:**

> They might bang next chapter, they might not... Its tough choice...


End file.
